I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
