2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I have feelings that need drinking.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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