I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Randomize
