i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
