Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
