By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
