Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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