she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
ttyl tear gas
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
