Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
