so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
