You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
