Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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