oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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