You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
