so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
