after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I would ride that face into the sunset
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
