sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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