I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
you made out with another girl for some wings
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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