i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
