My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
