Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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