it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
