haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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