Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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