You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
