she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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