i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
