i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
