This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
