We named our party play list daddy issues
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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