the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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