whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
