come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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