but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
