you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
