Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
