we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
