Do you still have your period?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
