So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
