I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
