Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
