i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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