I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I am mentally ready for anal.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
