He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
