dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
