and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
