he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Randomize
