This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
