my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
