I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Randomize
